CALL Network | Text | UN: alnnahs

[alkhimia2i]

[Being holed up in a safehouse as she is, Ana is a little short on stimulating conversation. As much as she might want to resist engaging in this strange magical cellphone, she doesn't hold out for too long. After all, from what she can tell, these people have no idea who she is.

What she posts comes in two pieces, the first a series of lines in Arabic text followed by a helpful translation in English. The second piece is commentary.]

ﺃﺩﻣﻨﺖ ﺍﺣﺰﺍﻧﻲ
ﻓﺼﺮﺕ ﺍﺧﺎﻑ ﺍﻥ ﻻ ﺍﺣﺰﻧﺎ
ﻭﻃﻌﻨﺖ ﺁﻻﻓﺎ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻤﺮﺍﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻮﺟﻌﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻃﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻌﻨﺖ ﻓﻲ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﻠﻐﺎﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻘﻠﻘﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻟﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻘﺪ ﺗﺸﺎﺑﻬﺖ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﺒﻼﺩ
ﻓﻼ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎﻙ، ﻭﻻ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎ

I was addicted to my sorrows,
Until I became scared of not being sorrowful.
And I was stabbed thousands of times,
Until it felt painful not to be stabbed.
And I was cursed in all the languages,
Until I became nervous of not being cursed.
And all the countries seemed the same,
in that I neither see myself there, nor do I see myself here.


I came across this while reading, so I thought I might share it. No particular reason, except than I found it to be moving. I wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.

Comments

[cosmetological]

That's a little hard to define broadly. But I guess the sort of thing that makes the world stop for a moment. In a good way.

[alkhimia2i]

[Ah. Well, that certainly puts a damper on things. She has to wonder if Mercy saw her conversation with that boy or not.]

I'll keep your recommendation in mind. A night out might be nice for once.

Have you been there yourself?

[alkhimia2i]

[That's certainly a unique way of speaking... And it might put her off if not for the cheerfulness and enthusiasm that she reads in his words. He clearly doesn't mean any harm by it, and she's heard worse during her service years, to be honest. She lets it slide.]

I do agree. The best poems have many meanings. They make you think from new perspectives. Like yours.

I used to think no one liked death. The young admire the power that comes with it. The old accept its finality. But no one wants life to end. It's a necessity at the best of times, to keep those we care about safe.

But you're right. Without death, life wouldn't be so precious. We wouldn't want to protect it with our own.

un: wardenka

[boundinblood]

"Moving" is right. It's so easy to be in pain for so long, an offer of respite seems suspicious.

It reminds me strongly of people I know, and the person I once was. I know I'm not the only one.

[thygospelevity]

Church.
My compoetriot, how great it is you understand. :o)
Such wisdom is my Messiah tailored mission, to share the bitchin beauties in those aspects overlooked.
From without the Dark Carnival, I have known so few who would willingly gaze into the light.
With natural exception to GA, that is, blessed of the Mother's blood.
And AA, so I hear, though we have yet to fully converse.
And my best friends, of course, in their ways. :o)

[He is maybe getting a little sidetracked.]

Are you in service of life and its defense?

[alkhimia2i]

Aren't we all in that service? For the people we care about?

[thygospelevity]

[His immediate thought is to answer yes. Then he consider, no, for is he not in service of death? But no, that ain't all it either. It's both and neither of those mother fuckin things.]

I believe all to be in service of what they mother fuckin believe to be best.
Much more to the wicked business than mere life alone.
What is life if one does not truly live?
This is writ in the holy teachings.

[jinglejangle]

Certainly ain't friends.

Maybe acquaintances.

[alkhimia2i]

Well, as long as we know where we stand.

[jinglejangle]

If he got outta there, it probably wasn't pretty.

Morrison was there. Don't know who else, but I figure if anyone was there they're as dead as those two.

[caduceusoncall]

Oh. Well, thank you for telling me. I'm sorry.

[She grits her teeth. Her chest tightens and shakes with the urge to scream. Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison. Dead. The leaders of Overwatch. Had she been there - at the Swiss headquarters, still working for them - she could have gotten to them right away, treated the injuries, maybe saved them.

The realization that they put them in the ground without her there to say goodbye makes her head spin and nearly sends her to the floor. Tears stream down her face, although her expression is more blank than sad. She puts the device down.

They were military men, but most of the lives they took were omnic lives, and even then only the dangerous ones. She'd still treated their injuries hundreds of times both on and off the field. And now they were dead. And she did nothing to save them.]

[caduceusoncall]

Personally, no. I've only spent a few days in most cities, and even then it was on business I'm afraid. But it comes highly recommended from what I understand.

un: unleashthefalcon

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Now there's a familiar language. He doesn't recognize it as well as he might if it were Dari or Pashto, definitely not enough to know what it says without the translation, but it's similar enough for him to be able to identify it. ]

I'm gonna guess you'll find a lot of people here that resonates with.

[alkhimia2i]

[Another bird name... She's a little amused, though his response itself is a little troubling. There shouldn't be so many who understand the feelings that these words portray.]

Why do you guess that?

[alkhimia2i]

You have a lot of wise words to share from these teachings. Are you a preacher perhaps?

[alkhimia2i]

Hmm. A good criteria. Something that gives us pause, or pulls us into a moment of reflection?

[cosmetological]

Yes, I'd say that's about it.

What about you?

[thygospelevity]

Honk!

[He types it and blurts it simultaneous. She thinks him a preacher. Him.]

I greatly aspire to be! My documented cull-guardian and ancestor is the Grand Highblood, highest servant to the Mirthful Messiahs. I gather word from all the family but his teachings are of course most mother fuckin profound. He paints upon himself to show soul of understanding, which he extends to his many culls aside from me. Together we all sit and in time he shares his wisdom, spoken or silent.

[It's a quiet, gentle, knowing, that paint. All smiles all the time, no matter the hardship. He does not spill his guts the way he, Kurloz himself, cannot help from doing. But one day, perhaps...]

It is an honor to sit in his presence and an honor to prove my tie to he.

[alkhimia2i]

My apologies that you've had that experience. But you're right, it can be difficult to trust when you've already set your expectations.

Are there other here like that?

[alkhimia2i]

[Oh... He sounds young. An aspiring preacher, then, but still a child--or close to. She can practically hear the bright-eyed wonder coming through his text. She smiles a little for it.]

He sounds like an inspiration.

What are culls in this context? And cull-guardians?

[thygospelevity]

The Beforan empire is built upon order of blood. By legislation of our Imperial Luminescence, reigning Empress of Beforus, the high are to look after all the low in descending order, the empress standing guardian over all, by writ of the culling act. Under the culling act, all trolls will be regularly examined for need of assistance. The ill, injured, or otherwise disabled must be registered for immediate cull. Trolls under the age of nine sweeps will be removed from lusii under the conditions of the lusus's of low intelligence, poor temperment, death, or [He hesitates.] abandonment. Culled trolls will be reassigned via culling officer to care by their official cull-guardian.

[He could recite it by heart. He has heard it a thousand times. If he ever got close enough to a sleeping Kankri, he's sure that daymare would likewise put it on repeat.]

I have great fortune to be taken in by my ancestor for it is not typical an ancestor and descendant may meet and I would most mother fucking surely have been slated for culling by a seadweller otherwise. I have even greater fortune to be chosen by the Grand Highblood, who cares for so many by cause of his most legit of status. The wicked business thieves many an hour from he, so I keep hive within the Carnival by my own mother fuckin means. A culling officer checks in on the regular due to this. I have many a freedom my fellows do not. Many of them hide from culling or look upon it with vast ruefulness.

The Grand Highblood's will is gracious and inspiring both.

[alkhimia2i]

[The word 'cull' still throws her off a little, but a different picture begins to form from his explanation. Fostering, perhaps, is closer to what she thinks of now. A cull-guardian sounds similar to a foster parent, which would mean...]

A lusus would be your parent, then? The words are different, but it sounds similar to a system that we have. When a child no longer has a suitable guardian, they become the custody of the state, who tries to find an appropriate guardian from willing adults. The process to find a good match can sometimes be long and tiring. Some children would rather live on their own than endure the possibility of a bad match. Or multiple bad matches, as the case may be.

[alkhimia2i]

Me? Life. Love. People.

Anything that inspires us to better ourselves is something that I would consider to be truly beautiful. Whether it's a poem that moves us, a mountain that challenges us, or a child that trusts us.

[thygospelevity]

[A parent, a lusus, a guardian. All very different things, but he supposes a sameness can be found. It sounds different from Ana, her description of it. It is neither spoken of with the repulsion of his friends, nor the propaganda-ridden speech of the officers. Maybe it was as simple as that, finding a good match. Perhaps if he looked, he could find a place for Kankri and Meenah both, and all those in between.]

I sense that may be so. One of my friends was hatched without a lusus at all, for he was off spectrum, and thus his cull was swift and immediate. I do not recall if he has ever smiled. :o(

[The there was Meenah, who abdicated. Rufioh, Damara, Horuss, Latula, all living in the woods. Mituna...]

I do not mind my culling, for there is many a miracle to be found in it, even if it was not a mother fuckin necessity.

[cosmetological]

Beauty sounds a little terrifying.