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[alkhimia2i]

[Being holed up in a safehouse as she is, Ana is a little short on stimulating conversation. As much as she might want to resist engaging in this strange magical cellphone, she doesn't hold out for too long. After all, from what she can tell, these people have no idea who she is.

What she posts comes in two pieces, the first a series of lines in Arabic text followed by a helpful translation in English. The second piece is commentary.]

ﺃﺩﻣﻨﺖ ﺍﺣﺰﺍﻧﻲ
ﻓﺼﺮﺕ ﺍﺧﺎﻑ ﺍﻥ ﻻ ﺍﺣﺰﻧﺎ
ﻭﻃﻌﻨﺖ ﺁﻻﻓﺎ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻤﺮﺍﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻮﺟﻌﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻃﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻌﻨﺖ ﻓﻲ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﻠﻐﺎﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻘﻠﻘﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻟﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻘﺪ ﺗﺸﺎﺑﻬﺖ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﺒﻼﺩ
ﻓﻼ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎﻙ، ﻭﻻ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎ

I was addicted to my sorrows,
Until I became scared of not being sorrowful.
And I was stabbed thousands of times,
Until it felt painful not to be stabbed.
And I was cursed in all the languages,
Until I became nervous of not being cursed.
And all the countries seemed the same,
in that I neither see myself there, nor do I see myself here.


I came across this while reading, so I thought I might share it. No particular reason, except than I found it to be moving. I wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.

Comments

[alkhimia2i]

[The word 'cull' still throws her off a little, but a different picture begins to form from his explanation. Fostering, perhaps, is closer to what she thinks of now. A cull-guardian sounds similar to a foster parent, which would mean...]

A lusus would be your parent, then? The words are different, but it sounds similar to a system that we have. When a child no longer has a suitable guardian, they become the custody of the state, who tries to find an appropriate guardian from willing adults. The process to find a good match can sometimes be long and tiring. Some children would rather live on their own than endure the possibility of a bad match. Or multiple bad matches, as the case may be.

[thygospelevity]

[A parent, a lusus, a guardian. All very different things, but he supposes a sameness can be found. It sounds different from Ana, her description of it. It is neither spoken of with the repulsion of his friends, nor the propaganda-ridden speech of the officers. Maybe it was as simple as that, finding a good match. Perhaps if he looked, he could find a place for Kankri and Meenah both, and all those in between.]

I sense that may be so. One of my friends was hatched without a lusus at all, for he was off spectrum, and thus his cull was swift and immediate. I do not recall if he has ever smiled. :o(

[The there was Meenah, who abdicated. Rufioh, Damara, Horuss, Latula, all living in the woods. Mituna...]

I do not mind my culling, for there is many a miracle to be found in it, even if it was not a mother fuckin necessity.

[alkhimia2i]

I am deeply sorry for your friend. No child should be so unhappy with the home they've been given. In an ideal world, we could provide a home like yours to every child that needed one.

Unfortunately, the world often falls short of ideal.

[thygospelevity]

:o(

[For a moment, he doubts that giving Kankri or the rest of them a home like his would really make them happy. But he can't stand for thoughts like them, so he stops thinking it.]

All the universe is balanced. This is what has been preached to me. The grief trapeze must swing down if it is to go higher.

Perhaps someday I shall find the means to change his mother fuckin future, and we can become better friends that way. :o)

[alkhimia2i]

I wish you luck, my dear. But it sounds to me that he already has a very good friend.

[thygospelevity]

[That is a very kind thing to say. It winds him a little bit.]

I seek to do my utmost best to be! Mirth's blessing to thee also!