calling_net | CALL Network | Text

[Being holed up in a safehouse as she is, Ana is a little short on stimulating conversation. As much as she might want to resist engaging in this strange magical cellphone, she doesn't hold out for too long. After all, from what she can tell, these people have no idea who she is.

What she posts comes in two pieces, the first a series of lines in Arabic text followed by a helpful translation in English. The second piece is commentary.]

ﺃﺩﻣﻨﺖ ﺍﺣﺰﺍﻧﻲ
ﻓﺼﺮﺕ ﺍﺧﺎﻑ ﺍﻥ ﻻ ﺍﺣﺰﻧﺎ
ﻭﻃﻌﻨﺖ ﺁﻻﻓﺎ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻤﺮﺍﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻮﺟﻌﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻃﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻌﻨﺖ ﻓﻲ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﻠﻐﺎﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻘﻠﻘﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻟﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻘﺪ ﺗﺸﺎﺑﻬﺖ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﺒﻼﺩ
ﻓﻼ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎﻙ، ﻭﻻ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎ

I was addicted to my sorrows,
Until I became scared of not being sorrowful.
And I was stabbed thousands of times,
Until it felt painful not to be stabbed.
And I was cursed in all the languages,
Until I became nervous of not being cursed.
And all the countries seemed the same,
in that I neither see myself there, nor do I see myself here.

I came across this while reading, so I thought I might share it. No particular reason, except than I found it to be moving. I wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

["Mighty odd". Angela has trouble containing her laughter. Jesse McCree, the cowboy, the little troublemaker Gabe took in and mentored for all those years. He thought poetry, of all things, was "mighty odd."

Her frustration with his (quite frankly ridiculous) natural talent of starting fights and sparking animosity began to fade. "Mighty odd."]

Jesse McCree you are still atrocious when it comes to behaving in public. What have I told you about being so confrontational, Trouble?

["Trouble." That's what she used to call him every time he walked into her office, nose broken or eye blackened, Gabriel tailing behind him completely exasperated. Jesse McCree. Trouble.]

And besides that, this is the public network, not the HERO network. I've seen less engaging entries than an open poetry discussion. I never thought I'd be telling YOU of all people to lighten up!

What can I say? It was just the way I was raised.

[If Reyes was here, he'd probably get smacked upside the head for trying to throw his commander under the bus. But, well...

He's gone, now.]

Now why am I not surprised you're on the HERO network? But I'll keep that in mind for the next time someone wants to talk about artsy-fartsy shit again.

Oh come on, Gabriel tried his best to teach you SOME manners, don't tell me you've forgotten his lessons already?

How is Gabe, do you know? I haven't heard from him since. Well, you know.

[Angela smiled, remembering her coworker fondly. He had been out of sorts and irritable towards the end, even going so far as to fight publically with Jack. But he was a good man. She was sure he wasn't going to give up on Overwatch's ideals. It would be nice to visit him if she could.]

[Oh.

This isn't right. This is very, very wrong. Why would Angela bring up a dead man like this - like he wasn't dead at all? And it's been years, since.

A cold feeling settles into the pit of McCree's stomach, and he doesn't. He doesn't understand.]

You mean you haven't seen him since he got blown to hell in Switzerland?

[Angela stares at the text for a long time. She re-reads each word, trying to process the information. Blown to hell.

Maybe it doesn't mean what she thinks it means. Maybe McCree just chose poor phrasing. Maybe...]

What do you mean by "blown to hell"? What happened in Switzerland? Is he okay, is he hurt?

Can't get really more explicit than that. He was at the base, the base got blown up. Don't know why or who did it, I was already gone at the time.

It was on the news. Don't know how you could've missed it.

The last thing I saw on the news was the official announcement that Overwatch was permanently disbanding and that further activities are considered illegal. That was the day I got my CALL device.

Is...is he...? Was anyone else hurt?

[She can't say it. She can't type it. The word catches in her throat and her fingers curl into fists when she tries to type it.

Is he dead. Is he dead? No, he can't be. Heroes never die. Heroes never, ever die. Not her friends. Not Gabriel Reyes. No no no n-]

If he got outta there, it probably wasn't pretty.

Morrison was there. Don't know who else, but I figure if anyone was there they're as dead as those two.

Oh. Well, thank you for telling me. I'm sorry.

[She grits her teeth. Her chest tightens and shakes with the urge to scream. Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison. Dead. The leaders of Overwatch. Had she been there - at the Swiss headquarters, still working for them - she could have gotten to them right away, treated the injuries, maybe saved them.

The realization that they put them in the ground without her there to say goodbye makes her head spin and nearly sends her to the floor. Tears stream down her face, although her expression is more blank than sad. She puts the device down.

They were military men, but most of the lives they took were omnic lives, and even then only the dangerous ones. She'd still treated their injuries hundreds of times both on and off the field. And now they were dead. And she did nothing to save them.]

[There have been a few times in McCree's life where he's truly felt like he's made a mistake. When he first joined Blackwatch - when he left Blackwatch - but most things he felt he could handle. Not very many things he's chosen to do have led him to feel regret.

But this? This is one of those times. He shouldn't have said anything about Gabe and Jack. If Angela didn't know, it was for a damn good reason.

There's a sick feeling in his stomach, and he doesn't know what he should say. Where does he go from here?]

You don't have anything to apologize for. You would've done the best you could have if you were there.

I still should have been there. I left behind real world responsibilities to take care of this world. They were good men. They were like fathers to me - to many of us. I should have been there.

But that's not for here. Thank you for telling me, Jesse. I'm sorry I missed the funeral. There was a funeral, I hope? They laid them to rest at the very least?

CALL Network | Text | UN: alnnahs

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