CALL Network | Text | UN: alnnahs

[alkhimia2i]

[Being holed up in a safehouse as she is, Ana is a little short on stimulating conversation. As much as she might want to resist engaging in this strange magical cellphone, she doesn't hold out for too long. After all, from what she can tell, these people have no idea who she is.

What she posts comes in two pieces, the first a series of lines in Arabic text followed by a helpful translation in English. The second piece is commentary.]

ﺃﺩﻣﻨﺖ ﺍﺣﺰﺍﻧﻲ
ﻓﺼﺮﺕ ﺍﺧﺎﻑ ﺍﻥ ﻻ ﺍﺣﺰﻧﺎ
ﻭﻃﻌﻨﺖ ﺁﻻﻓﺎ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻤﺮﺍﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻮﺟﻌﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻃﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻌﻨﺖ ﻓﻲ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﻠﻐﺎﺕ
ﺣﺘﻰ ﺻﺎﺭ ﻳﻘﻠﻘﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻥ ﻻ ﺍﻟﻌﻨﺎ
ﻭﻟﻘﺪ ﺗﺸﺎﺑﻬﺖ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﺒﻼﺩ
ﻓﻼ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎﻙ، ﻭﻻ ﺍﺭﻯ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻫﻨﺎ

I was addicted to my sorrows,
Until I became scared of not being sorrowful.
And I was stabbed thousands of times,
Until it felt painful not to be stabbed.
And I was cursed in all the languages,
Until I became nervous of not being cursed.
And all the countries seemed the same,
in that I neither see myself there, nor do I see myself here.


I came across this while reading, so I thought I might share it. No particular reason, except than I found it to be moving. I wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.

Comments

[caduceusoncall]

The poem certainly invokes a feeling that I think many people are familiar with at one time or another in their life. The word "admission" comes to mind.

I think a lot of people get so lost in their suffering that they forget, or perhaps dismiss, the fact that there is anything BUT suffering. It is a very easy trap to fall into when hurt becomes a normal or "default" setting.

It is important to remember though that it is never too late to seek help for your wounds, physical or psychological. Everybody deserves a chance to heal and grow from their pain, no matter when they choose to begin doing so.

un: courtblanche

[cosmetological]

Well, that's certainly a debut for the network.

Interesting.

[ Did the poem cut far too close for him? Yes. Is he ever going to say that? Over his goddamn dead body. ]

[alkhimia2i]

What is a network for, if not for sharing?

[cosmetological]

Well,if you're going to be all reasonable like that. What can I do?

Big reader?

[alkhimia2i]

It's a hobby I've picked up recently. It might be that I have too much time on my hands. The consequence of spending too many of my years with no hobbies at all.

Do you read as well? Or something else? I'm afraid I don't know anything about the other users on this network.

[cosmetological]

I read. Prefer TV and movies and stuff, but mostly because I'm kind of busy most days. But I like a book as much as the next guy.

Haven't done poetry for a few years. But I won't knock it. Beautiful things, truly beautiful things, are important.

[alkhimia2i]

[Oh, that username... "Mercy". It sounds a lot like her, and there's no reason for Ana to think that it wouldn't be her. It takes her a while to answer back, when she decides that she can't simply not answer at all.]

I can see what you mean, and I think we agree. Everyone deserves a chance to heal.

But the words could also invoke a fear of change. We tend to favor our habits, good or bad. When sorrow and pain have become familiar, it can be difficult to reach out for something new. Anything other than what we're used to can feel wrong. A mistake, even.

[caduceusoncall]

[Angela stares at the words in front of her. She recalls painful things and feels an echo of emotions she's worked hard to abandon. Part of her wants to put her CALL device down and do something else. Another part of her refuses to let it go.]

Difficult, yes, but very necessary. If you allow your sorrow to consume you it will cost you dearly. Getting so lost in your own mind that you are afraid to leave it doesn't just hurt you, it hurts the people that care about you.

It is worth mentioning that mistakes can be explained and ultimately forgiven, but they also need to be corrected. There is certainly no shame in not being able to recover or bounce back immediately, so long as you eventually try. Preferably until you succeed.

un: highnoon

[jinglejangle]

Words like that seem awfully fancy to share for no reason.

[no he is not suspicious why would you think that]

[alkhimia2i]

[...These usernames are going to put her in the early grave she belongs in, to be honest. If this is anyone but Jesse McCree, she'll eat her hat.]

Isn't their fanciness reason enough?

[jinglejangle]

[What, this is a totally subtle name.]

Maybe if you're some sorta pretentious joker who likes to feel good about how smart you are, but most folks I've ever known wouldn't do shit like this without a good reason.

[Not that, currently, he assumes he actually knows this person. They could just be someone entirely random he's pestering for no good reason.]

[caduceusoncall]

["Highnoon". Angela knows immediately who this user is. She's torn between excitement - it's been so long! - and anger at how immature he still is. She settles on scolding him now and greeting him later.]

Jesse McCree, unless you are looking to interrogate and "dispense justice" to the artistically minded people on this network, I would suggest watching your words.

It is a poem and a discussion about the poem, there is absolutely no reason for this vitriol.

[alkhimia2i]

Fair enough. You've found me out.

Now my underhanded plot to force anonymous strangers into discussing fine literature will be foiled. Shall I hold my hands up in surrender?

[She just barely refrains from typing "sheriff" at the end of her message.]

[alkhimia2i]

[For a moment, Ana is struck with the fleeting paranoia that Mercy knows who she's speaking too. The conversation is the kind of coincidence that feels a hair too coincidental... but perhaps that's only her guilty conscience talking. Her gaze passes over the words 'it hurts the people that care about you', and her single eye flicks to the holo device that's never very far from her.]

That is a commendable mindset, if you have the strength for it. I think we can both hope that everyone would have that strength, but reality tends to be less than we dream. People falter, even when we don't want them to.

[alkhimia2i]

It's fine. Please don't trouble yourself.

[jinglejangle]

[Mercy? You've gotta be kidding him. There's only so many people who would call him out like that, and nobody would have the gall to pretend to be someone else.

Or so he assumes.]

Now, Doc, I wasn't meaning to come across as harsh or nothing, I just think it's mighty odd to be spouting poetry on a network meant for bullshit like heroics and what not.

Didn't mean to start nothing.

[he is an Angel.]

[caduceusoncall]

["Mighty odd". Angela has trouble containing her laughter. Jesse McCree, the cowboy, the little troublemaker Gabe took in and mentored for all those years. He thought poetry, of all things, was "mighty odd."

Her frustration with his (quite frankly ridiculous) natural talent of starting fights and sparking animosity began to fade. "Mighty odd."]

Jesse McCree you are still atrocious when it comes to behaving in public. What have I told you about being so confrontational, Trouble?

["Trouble." That's what she used to call him every time he walked into her office, nose broken or eye blackened, Gabriel tailing behind him completely exasperated. Jesse McCree. Trouble.]


And besides that, this is the public network, not the HERO network. I've seen less engaging entries than an open poetry discussion. I never thought I'd be telling YOU of all people to lighten up!

[jinglejangle]

[...He's pretty sure they're joking, which is all in all a Good Sign as far as he's concerned.]

Nice to see my gut paid off.

Nah, I think something more fitting as far as punishments go would be to just talk about the finer points of something less pretentious. A holovid or some shit like that.

[like cowboys! cowboys are way better than lame poetry]

[alkhimia2i]

A holovid?

If you're going to shoot down my pretentious ideas, you should have a clear substitution in mind.

[jinglejangle]

Don't tell me you're from a place without holographic technology.

[He still has nightmares of the time Reinhardt talked at him about the DVD days. Why did he like David Hasselhoff so much? The 1980s were still like thirty years before his time.]

Sides, can't really offer suggestions if I don't know what you know. Alls I can say is poetry is a bore.

[alkhimia2i]

Huh.

I guess we're at an impasse, then. Poetry or nothing. Unless you want to take a gamble with those suggestions?

[jinglejangle]

That's a damned shame.

Are you trying to turn this on me now? Try to make me out to be some sorta smart guy spouting nonsense just to hear himself talk?

Or see himself type, as it is right now.

[alkhimia2i]

Is that what I'm doing?

And I thought I was being generous by letting you pick a less boring topic.

[jinglejangle]

Might be.

Well if you want a less boring topic, you might be better off asking someone else. There's two things in this world I'm an expert on, and I don't fancy someone who thinks poetry is a great conversation would be too keen to talk about guns.

[alkhimia2i]

Two things? And they're both guns?

I guess if I have to suffer through that conversation, I will take that bullet for the team.