un: smallvilleguy | text | CALL network

[american_alien]

So I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I worked really hard to get to where I am and what I'm doing but...

After talking to people, talking to lots of people from all over, I'm not so sure anymore. I think I might have been thinking too small, but it feels weird to think of it like that. Like I'm limited MYSELF, if that makes any sense. I mean, it's not like we have a lot of money and I worked really hard to get the scholarships to get here in the first place.

But I'm not sure if I'm just letting this trip run away with me or if I'm finally seeing more clearly now that I've actually gone out and seen just how big the world is.

Thoughts?

Comments

un: Forbes

[insistent]

College students change their minds all the time. The important thing is to be true to yourself. I know what I thought my life was going to be even two years ago is completely out the window now.

Circumstances change.

[american_alien]

It just seems like a lot of effort to turn around and do something else. I mean, maybe I should try and make it work considering? Or am I just fooling myself with trying to settle for what I thought I wanted.

I mean, I still want it. But I almost think I'm being selfish, choosing that.

[insistent]

If it's what you want, then why not go for it. Even if circumstances change later, you'll still have the accomplishment of knowing you did the thing you wanted.

Not that there's anything wrong with being unselfish, but everyone deserves to have something of their own. I mean in high school, I wanted to go into television journalism, but now?

I don't know what I want to do. So much has changed in such a short time.

[american_alien]

If you don't mind me asking... what changed?

For me, it wasn't so much what changed as what someone made me see. How they made me realize I was seeing.

[alkhimia2i]

[She's not aware of who this person is, but they're actively asking for opinions, and... There's some ideas she's been sitting on.]

I think that all depends on what you what. People change. Goals can change, too. We rarely want the same thing our whole life, even if that's what we're taught to believe. It's only natural that when we're met with an open sky, we have the urge to aim higher.

But there's nothing wrong with limiting yourself, either. Not everyone has to take aim at something just because it's there. As long as you're happy with where you are, that's more than enough, I think.

[american_alien]

The thing is

I'm not sure if I'm happy with it now.

I want to help. I want to be someone who makes the world a better place. And I'd picked a way to do that that seems so small now. Not wrong or bad but less than I could do.

[insistent]

Pretty much everything. If I went into the story, we'd be here for hours, but suffice to say, my entire world kind of flip-flopped.

I think the important thing is to not rush to decide just because you're seeing a different perspective. I mean, there's nothing to stop you from trying to pursue both things, is there?

[american_alien]

Well, how many traveling veterinarians do you know? And I don't mean the kind who go out in a van and do their work. I mean... world-traveling?

Though if you want to talk about it, I don't have much to do. My assignments are done for the night.

[insistent]

You'd probably need to be licensed all over the world, which could get pretty pricey. So you're not planning to settle down somewhere in particular?

It's a bit too involved to get into with someone I just started talking to.

[american_alien]

That's cool. I just felt bad talking about my problems without giving you the chance to talk about your stuff.

And I guess I'm going to settle somewhere, but I need to figure out something so I can travel. And not like, twice a year travel.

[insistent]

Well, centrally located to the most likely places you're going to end up traveling to might be good. I don't know how strict the regulations for veterinarians are, but you can probably research that.

[american_alien]

I'm pretty sure the closest thing to 'centrally located' to everywhere is like

Metropolis.

[insistent]

So why not pursue a career there? I mean I'm sure they have plenty of animals in the city.

[american_alien]

That was my first idea.

But then we get to the second part which is

I'm not really sure if being a veterinarian is going to make me happy.

[insistent]

So what do you think will make you happy? Because honestly, your parents will probably be fine with it if it's just something about changing your major.

[american_alien]

Which is where I either say 'it's hard to explain' or I start going into some pretty weird stuff.

I'm not worried about my parents. They're going to love and support me no matter what I do.

But if I explain, promise not to get weird about it?

[insistent]

I'm used to weird.

[alkhimia2i]

It is an admirable goal. The world could always use more of those that are willing to keep it safe.

But perhaps you should ask yourself, is that what you truly want? And why? Is it simply because you have the power to do so? Or is there something more to this desire?

[american_alien]

It is what I want. And I guess it's not just because I have the power to do so. It's because I know that people could use the help. And I could be that help.

Lemme put it like this.

Let's say I have... a tool. It's a super amazing tool. It can do all kinds of stuff. I was just going to have it help fix up cars around my neighborhood. But then I won this trip around the world and I see how many places and people could use this tool.

Now, I know that there's people who'll look at it like, maybe, a weapon. And others who aren't going to trust that this weird looking thing could help. There's probably going to be folks who'll want to use it for bad things. And I'm going to have to deal with that.

But I can't unsee the people out there who could use the help.

private

[american_alien]

How weird?

There's another guy on here who hunts demons and stuff. That kind of weird?

Re: private

[insistent]

Well, I haven't come across any demons, but let's just say my views on the world aren't quite on track with the typical person's anymore.

[american_alien]

Yeah, um. Not sure how familiar you are with this thing but there aren't a lot of 'typical' people on this network.

[caduceusoncall]

Sorry to interject, but what you just said is something I have struggled with for a long time. I built tools much like you described, under the assurance they would never be made into weapons. Blatant lies, but I knew that to a degree, I just wanted to believe they truly meant well.

I can't tell you whether or not your decisions or usage of your tools are correct, I don't know the situation. But I have learned something that I hope can help you now: If your tools save more lives than they take, it's a matter of deciding whether or not that's a sacrifice you are willing to make.

To answer that question, sometimes you have to ask your soul, not just your mind.

[insistent]

I just found the device, so I'm still kind of new.

I'm Caroline by the way.

[american_alien]

Oh. Hey.

No, it's cool. At least, it's cool for me. And I appreciate the advice. I

Have the advantage of knowing that I'll always be able to choose how they're used. But it's not like I'm perfect either, you know? And it could do a lot of harm if I make the wrong decision.

But that doesn't change anything you said.

It's either go big... or stay home.