un: smallvilleguy | text | CALL network

[american_alien]

So I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I worked really hard to get to where I am and what I'm doing but...

After talking to people, talking to lots of people from all over, I'm not so sure anymore. I think I might have been thinking too small, but it feels weird to think of it like that. Like I'm limited MYSELF, if that makes any sense. I mean, it's not like we have a lot of money and I worked really hard to get the scholarships to get here in the first place.

But I'm not sure if I'm just letting this trip run away with me or if I'm finally seeing more clearly now that I've actually gone out and seen just how big the world is.

Thoughts?

Comments

un: Forbes

[insistent]

College students change their minds all the time. The important thing is to be true to yourself. I know what I thought my life was going to be even two years ago is completely out the window now.

Circumstances change.

[american_alien]

It just seems like a lot of effort to turn around and do something else. I mean, maybe I should try and make it work considering? Or am I just fooling myself with trying to settle for what I thought I wanted.

I mean, I still want it. But I almost think I'm being selfish, choosing that.

[insistent]

If it's what you want, then why not go for it. Even if circumstances change later, you'll still have the accomplishment of knowing you did the thing you wanted.

Not that there's anything wrong with being unselfish, but everyone deserves to have something of their own. I mean in high school, I wanted to go into television journalism, but now?

I don't know what I want to do. So much has changed in such a short time.

[american_alien]

If you don't mind me asking... what changed?

For me, it wasn't so much what changed as what someone made me see. How they made me realize I was seeing.

[insistent]

Pretty much everything. If I went into the story, we'd be here for hours, but suffice to say, my entire world kind of flip-flopped.

I think the important thing is to not rush to decide just because you're seeing a different perspective. I mean, there's nothing to stop you from trying to pursue both things, is there?

[american_alien]

Well, how many traveling veterinarians do you know? And I don't mean the kind who go out in a van and do their work. I mean... world-traveling?

Though if you want to talk about it, I don't have much to do. My assignments are done for the night.

[insistent]

You'd probably need to be licensed all over the world, which could get pretty pricey. So you're not planning to settle down somewhere in particular?

It's a bit too involved to get into with someone I just started talking to.

[american_alien]

That's cool. I just felt bad talking about my problems without giving you the chance to talk about your stuff.

And I guess I'm going to settle somewhere, but I need to figure out something so I can travel. And not like, twice a year travel.

[insistent]

Well, centrally located to the most likely places you're going to end up traveling to might be good. I don't know how strict the regulations for veterinarians are, but you can probably research that.

[american_alien]

I'm pretty sure the closest thing to 'centrally located' to everywhere is like

Metropolis.

[insistent]

So why not pursue a career there? I mean I'm sure they have plenty of animals in the city.

[alkhimia2i]

[She's not aware of who this person is, but they're actively asking for opinions, and... There's some ideas she's been sitting on.]

I think that all depends on what you what. People change. Goals can change, too. We rarely want the same thing our whole life, even if that's what we're taught to believe. It's only natural that when we're met with an open sky, we have the urge to aim higher.

But there's nothing wrong with limiting yourself, either. Not everyone has to take aim at something just because it's there. As long as you're happy with where you are, that's more than enough, I think.

[american_alien]

The thing is

I'm not sure if I'm happy with it now.

I want to help. I want to be someone who makes the world a better place. And I'd picked a way to do that that seems so small now. Not wrong or bad but less than I could do.

[alkhimia2i]

It is an admirable goal. The world could always use more of those that are willing to keep it safe.

But perhaps you should ask yourself, is that what you truly want? And why? Is it simply because you have the power to do so? Or is there something more to this desire?

[american_alien]

It is what I want. And I guess it's not just because I have the power to do so. It's because I know that people could use the help. And I could be that help.

Lemme put it like this.

Let's say I have... a tool. It's a super amazing tool. It can do all kinds of stuff. I was just going to have it help fix up cars around my neighborhood. But then I won this trip around the world and I see how many places and people could use this tool.

Now, I know that there's people who'll look at it like, maybe, a weapon. And others who aren't going to trust that this weird looking thing could help. There's probably going to be folks who'll want to use it for bad things. And I'm going to have to deal with that.

But I can't unsee the people out there who could use the help.

[caduceusoncall]

Sorry to interject, but what you just said is something I have struggled with for a long time. I built tools much like you described, under the assurance they would never be made into weapons. Blatant lies, but I knew that to a degree, I just wanted to believe they truly meant well.

I can't tell you whether or not your decisions or usage of your tools are correct, I don't know the situation. But I have learned something that I hope can help you now: If your tools save more lives than they take, it's a matter of deciding whether or not that's a sacrifice you are willing to make.

To answer that question, sometimes you have to ask your soul, not just your mind.

[american_alien]

Oh. Hey.

No, it's cool. At least, it's cool for me. And I appreciate the advice. I

Have the advantage of knowing that I'll always be able to choose how they're used. But it's not like I'm perfect either, you know? And it could do a lot of harm if I make the wrong decision.

But that doesn't change anything you said.

It's either go big... or stay home.

[alkhimia2i]

I understand.

Like I said, it's an admirable goal. If helping those people is what you believe in, then I think you already know what your decision should be.

My only advice is to take care. Know your limits. Being in a position to help others means knowing how much you can truly offer. If you need to step back, you should do it; before the situation forces you to.

[american_alien]

Yeah, I learned that one first hand, unfortunately.

I guess that's really the question, in a way. SHOULD I play it safe and maybe not feel like I'm living up to my potential but still

Safe

Or should I try and do everything I can and it might blow up in my face. Literally.




Ugh why are things hard?

[alkhimia2i]

All of the important choices are, unfortunately. They're also ones that you have to make yourself. I can't give you the right answer. No one can.

All I can say is to trust your heart. It knows what's best for you.

[american_alien]

I want to help. I want to help the MOST I can help. Because the world doesn't change for 50% effort and there's a lot of ways the world SHOULD change.

I just need to learn how to do it without making it worse. And I don't even know where to start.

[alkhimia2i]

[There's a long delay in her response this time, if only because she's struggling with how she wants to respond.]

Well, you can start by not working alone. Having someone to watch you back is important when learning the ropes. If you make a mistake, they can catch it.

From there... Decision-making. Instincts. Courage. There are many aspects to being a hero. Not all of them are learned, but practice helps.

[american_alien]

I don't know about anyone like me. Anyone who can do what I do. There's maybe a few people in the SFC but that's about it.

No one I've managed to find back home, anyway.

Though I didn't say I wanted to be a hero or anything. I just want to help.

[alkhimia2i]

Sorry. I assumed that someone committed to helping others at their own risk would be considered a hero.

There aren't many people like me, either. That doesn't matter much. I'm used to working with all kinds. If you need someone to watch your back, I can be here.

text; un: wardenka

[boundinblood]

Hello again, Clark. (People usually forego greetings here when they're in writing - is that normal? It seems odd to me.)

I agree with the sentiment above, that "when we're met with an open sky, we have the urge to aim higher". I think that if you are capable of doing more and if you are willing, you should. The amount of good that a single person can do with enough ambition and room to let it grow can be incredible.